


The World Is Ugly

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Anxiety, Betrayal, Depression, F/M, Heartbreak, Love, Past, Recovery, Suicide, Trust, savior, selfharm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-08 02:36:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1923507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ivy Phathe thought she could escape her haunting past by transferring schools but as she falls head over heels in love with Gerard way, a problem is right under their noses. One of their friends they thought they could trust is brewing up a plan to who hurt Ivy. Will their plan succeed or will Gerard save her in time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New School, New Life

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thanks for reading ^-^ it was a pain in the ass to come up with a concept for it. (And her name is pronounced Ivy Faith. Just telling ya)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New school. New friend. New love?

"Honey, I know things were hard at your last school but things will be better here. You'll have a clean slate. You'll start over." My mom says as she pulls into the school's parking lot. I don't say anything, I know she's right. When the car pulls to a stop, I open the door and just stand there, gathering up the courage to take the first step. "you'll be fine." I smile at her encouraging words. Sure, she can be a pain in the ass but she's my mom. She's always there for me. I take a deep breath and hesitantly walk towards the school. When I finally get into the school, I head into the office. The secretary is a middle-aged woman with fading blonde hair. "Hi, you must be Ivy.." "Phathe" I finish for her. "Ah yes, Ivy Phathe, the transfer student from across town." I nodded, "that's me." She hands over a bright yellow paper, "that's your schedule for this year. I hope you like it here." I smile and walk out of the office. Okay.. First period is English with Mr. Wentz in room 215. Just pointing out, this school is a fucking maze. 

Before I know it, I'm standing before a classroom filled with people staring at me with eyes that pierce my soul. "Class, this is the transfer student I told you about. Her name is Ivy Phathe. Now, inorder to get to know, Mrs. Phathe, who wants to ask her a question?" Oh great. A girl with strawberry blonde hair and dark brown eyes asks, "so.. Uh why did you transfer?" I gulp. "Uh.. I don't want to answer that. It's personal." The students look at eachother and start whispering. Talking about what I might've done, no doubt. "Students. Don't be rude." Mr. Wentz' voice could be clearly heard over the noise. A boy with dark brown hair and a ton of freckles raises his hand, "yeah are you single? You're smokin'" the students start laughing. "Hm yeah but I wouldn't date a prick like you anyway." A chorus of 'Ooh's rang out in the classroom. "That's enough of that. Ivy, sit beside Gerard." I look around and see a boy with shaggy black hair and almost white skin raises his hand. I make my way towards him and slump into the sit beside him. "Hey." His voice is soft and just plain adorable. "Hey." My voice seems foreign to me. It sounds quiet and scared. I look over at Gerard. Up close, I see that he has the most beautiful eyes I ever seen. I get lost in his beautiful face and don't realize how obvious it is that I'm staring at him. I blush and look away. Oh god I just met him and I already embarrassed myself! Today is going just fine. 

It turns out, I'm sitting by Gerard in all my classes. This is either a miracle or a disaster waiting to happen. At lunch, I sit by myself. I can't find Gerard and I don't want to sit by the populars. As I pick at my lunch, a tall figure stands over me. I look up to see a pair of beautiful eyes and a mop of black hair. "Hey Gerard." He plops down beside me, "Now what's a beautiful girl like you doing sitting alone?" I blush. Did he just call me beautiful? No. Ivy, you can't fall in love with him. He'll only pretend to like you and ditch you when you need him most. You need to stay away. "I don't know anyone here and I couldn't find you.." My voice is quiet and shy. I pull the sleeves of my Avenged Sevenfold sweater over my hands and stare at him. "Why are you wearing long sleeves in the middle of summer?" My eyes grow wide and try to come up with an excuse. "I...uh.. I-I get cold easily?" It sounds more of a question instead of a statement. Great. Now he knows something is up. Suspicion clouds over his eyes. "You seem unsure.." He reaches for my sleeve and I jerk away from him, eyes wild. "I'm fine. Really." He slowly brings his hand into his lap. "You're hiding something. And I'll find out what it is one day." I look away, I know that he will but I don't say anything. "You cut don't you?" I jerk my head up and look him dead in the eye. How'd he find out so quickly? My mouth goes dry and I can't move. I'm paralyzed. "N-no where'd you get that crazy idea?" I ask nervously. A strand of lavender hair falls into my face and he pushes it back behind my ear, causing my face to flush. "Can you come over my house after school?" I nod and pull out my phone and text my mom. I know what he's doing. He wants to get me alone so he can make me trust him and feel comfortable with him so he'll get me to show my scars and share my secrets. I don't want to turn him down and be anymore suspicious than I already am. I'm a terrible liar so I won't get away with any excuses. I sigh and look him in the eye. He smiles and my stomach flips. Ivy.. You better not be falling in love with this boy. 

I stop by my locker and put my stuff away. "Hey Ivy." I smile as the smooth voice of Gerard Way fills my ears. "Hey." He smiles (and I swear to god it's the cutest thing ever.) "you ready?" I nod and follow him to his car. As I slide into the passenger seat, I give myself a little reminder to not fall in love with this dork. Even though he seems different from the other guys, I don't know him well enough to know for sure. After what seemed like a year, he pulls into a medium sized cream color house with a slanted roof. "Home sweet home.." I smile and hesitantly walk inside. Gerard closes the door behind him and grabs my hand. I stop breathing, my eyes widen and I'm paralyzed. Worry floods his beautiful hazel eyes. I quickly recover and shrug it off as nothing. He hesitantly leads me down the stairs. What is he planning to do? Oh my god is he going to take advantage of me?! My breath quickens and my heart pounds in my chest. I can't let this happen to me. Not again.


	2. Battle Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She goes to Gerard's house. Shit happens. Or shall I say.. Almost happen

He leads me into the basement and my heart hasn't pounded so hard since that night two years ago. I shiver just thinking about it. "You okay?" I nod, "y-yeah I'm f-fine." He looks back at me, worry and suspicion in his eyes. I force the best fake smile I can muster, "I'm fine." When we make our way into his basement, my eyes fix themselves on the knives laying around on the table. "Oh.. My brother forgot to put those away. Don't worry, he carves wood in his spare time." Oh, I'm not worried I just want to cut my wrists to get over the pain of my past is all. "Oh." He sits down and gestures for me to sit beside him. I sit a good foot or so away from him. "What's wrong?" I shrug and scoot a teeny bit further away. "You're scared of me, aren't you?" I shrug again. "Look, I don't know what happened in your past, or why you transferred here but I do know that whatever it was hurt you and you can't trust anyone. It made you build a wall around yourself, and you're probably scared to get close to me." I stare at him, he hit that dead on. "H-how do you know?" Gerard looks away, "because I was just like that." My breath catches in my throat. "Gerard.." He waves it off as if it was nothing. "Now, I know what you're thinking, 'why did you bring me here?' But right now, I want to know what you think." I take a deep breath. "You want me to trust you, to get comfortable with you so I can share my secrets and get me to spill why I cut-" I catch myself telling him the truth about my sweater. Fuck. I'm an idiot! "Ah. So you did cut! Can.. Can I see?" I look away. "Here, give me your hands." I hesitantly put my hands in his. He takes his right hand and slowly pushes up my sleeve. He's looking in my eyes, making sure I don't freak out. Soon, the sleeve is up to my elbow. "Oh my god, Ivy." Tears sting at my eyes. No. I can't be weak. Not here. Not now. "Why.. Why did you do this to your beautiful skin?" I look at him then at my arm. Red lines are neatly aligned on my pale skin. There is barely any spaces between the slashes. "I...I can't tell you. I haven't told anyone. I just.. I just can't!" The tears I've been so desperately holding back roll down my cheeks. "I can't.. I can't.." I repeat, more to myself than to Gerard. "Shhh.. It's okay..." He pulls me towards him and I break. I'm full on sobbing in his arms. So much for keeping my distance. "I'm sorry.. I probably look like a blubbering fool.." I say once I compose myself. "No.. No, you've just been strong for far too long. Look, if you need anyone, I'm here. I went through the same thing as you. I transferred here because of bullying. I cut. I attempted suicide by swallowing sleeping pills and was sent to the hospital." There I am again, staring blankly at the boy who I thought was completely flawless and who had a perfect life. Wow was I wrong. "If you don't mind me asking... What happened?" I stare at him, debating on whether or not to tell him. "I-I... Let's just say people took advantage of me. Fooled me. I trusted them and they broke me. In every way I person could be broke. Emotionally, mentally, socially, physically.. The list goes on." I sniffle as I hold back another wave of tears. "Oh, Ivy. But here, look at it this way: if that never happened, you wouldn't be the way you are now. You wouldn't be you. You survived it, didn't you? And these," he points at my arm, "are your battle scars. They're proof you survived and fought. It's proof you're alive." Wow he's.. He's perfect. Ivy. He may be perfect now, but everyone has their flaws. You don't know him well- before I know it, a pair of extremely soft lips are pressed up against mine and a hand is on the back of my head. Without thinking, I lean into the kiss and kiss back. Wow he's a great kisser. As quick as it started, the kiss stops. He pulls back and blushes. Oh my god he's even more adorable when he's blushing. "s-sorry I didn't think..." I twirl a strand of my lavender hair around my finger and look down at my lap, "it's okay.." He reaches under my chin and lifts my head up. "Gerard! I'm home!" A male voice yells from upstairs, "I'm in the basement with a friend!" Gerard replies. "Oh. Okay!" Footsteps could be heard overhead. "That's my baby brother, Mikey." "I'm not your baby brother, Gee! I'm only a year younger than you!" Gee.. That's a cute nickname. I giggle at their cuteness. God. Is this family filled with adorable dorks?! When Mikey heads off into his room, Gerard reaches up to caress my face. I don't even know what to do. I lean my face against his soft hand. His face slowly leans towards me. I close my eyes and wait for the feeling of his lips against mine. Suddenly, The Downfall To Us All by A Day To Remember breaks the silence and scares the shit out of me. "Fuck fuck fuck.." I mutter as I fumble to get my phone out of my pocket. "Hi mom."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck moms. They ruin everything. Well she did have a pretty good good ringtone in my opinion


	3. I Fucked Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I know that the rest of my chem are in this and only Mikey and Gerard have been introduced but the rest will be introduced next chapter. And I'm sorry the chapters are short. When we get more into the story and there's more stuff going on, they'll be longer I promise!

I'm both happy and sad that my mom asked for me to come home. I didn't get to kiss Gerard and I'm conflicted. I want to be with him but I can't be with him at the same time. I can't trust him. I can't trust anyone. They're all the same. They act like they're there for you.. But when you need them most they're nowhere to be found. I sigh and pull out my sketchbook. I stare at the empty page and allow my hand and mind to go free. I don't even know what I'm drawing until Gerard is staring up at me from the paper. His adorable smile is drawn perfectly and the eyes capture the life and brightness I get myself lost in. I find myself smiling at the picture. This will be harder than I thought. I'll just..I'll just go with the flow and see what happens. I crawl into my warm bed and pass out from exhaustion the second my head hits the pillow. 

I wake up to movement downstairs. My mom is at work so it's not her.. I get dressed in black skinny jeans and my A Day To Remember sweater and make my way downstairs. "Oh hey" a voice calls out. The panic relieves itself from my shoulders. It's Gerard. "hey...?" I ask questionably. "Oh sorry I came to pick you up..." I giggle, "and to steal all my food?" He pouts, "I got hungry." I giggle and sit up on the counter behind me. Gee makes his way over to me and places his hands on the counter either side of me. "Gerard..." He looks up at me and whispers in my ear, "shut up and kiss me." My heart quickens and without thinking, I obey. A few seconds in, the passion in the kiss grows and he sticks his tongue in my mouth. I catch myself moaning and pulling him closer. I pull away and stare at him with disbelief. We're both panting. "Wow" is all I can muster. "What... What does this make us?" I ask, shyly. He shrugs, "whatever you want." I regret what I say next, "Gerard, I.. I barely know you. I just transferred here yesterday.. I mean I like you a lot but due to barely knowing you and.. Past experiences, i can't.. Not now." He looks away and I can tell I just broke his heart, "oh.. I-I understand. We should probably get to school." I nod and follow him to his car. I'm an idiot. A huge idiot. 

Gerard hadn't spoken to me at all in class he just ignored me. He has no idea how hurt I am. Oh my god he probably thinks I don't like him! I told him I did! But then again so did my exs. At lunch, Gerard wasn't talking to me still so I sat alone. Again. God, it's like the first day of school. No one to talk to. No one who cares. No one who would like a girl who wants to die. I sniffle as I think about Gerard trying to kill himself. I can't even imagine that. He's so happy go lucky and carefree I couldnt even picture him sad until I fucked up this morning. I lunch down at my untouched lunch. Maybe I'm too fat for him. Yeah that's probably it. He's angry at me and he realized how fat and hopeless I am. I'll just.. I'll just starve myself so I don't disappoint him. Yeah I'll do that. The bell rings signaling the end of lunch and I head to my last period. 

As I sit in Gerard's car, I can tell how he's holding back tears. God I'm an idiot! When he slides into the car I know what I have to do. "Gerard..." He looks at me, tears welling up in his eyes. I reach up and wipe away a stray tear with my thumb. "No. You said it yours-" I cut him off by kissing him. "I change my mind." He smiles and hugs me. I may have saved him but I think I doomed me.


	4. The Forgotten Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of the members are introduced, ivy's past comes into the light but not just before something comes back to bite her.

"So we're dating??" Gerard sounds a little too cheerful. "Yeah. I guess." I said, nonchalantly. "You okay?" I nodded. I should be happy but.. It just won't come. If Gerard ends up being a total jerkface douche then I'll finally understand. I may be all pretty and punk on the outside but inside.. Inside I'm as black and hollow as a black hole. No one would love a girl who didn't love herself. "You don't seem okay.." I look up and force a smile, "just.. Thinking." He smiles, "about what?" I frown and whisper "about my death." I don't think I said it quiet enough because his smile fell and he started driving. "I'm taking you to my house and we're going to talk. I'll make sure of it. I will understand why you're depressed, what you're running from and what happened at that school." I nod, there's no way around it. 

When we get to his house, 3 unfamiliar cars are parked outside. "Shit. My friends are here. Is it... Can you tell them to?" I frantically shake my head. "Ivy. We all went through shit. We all were depressed. We all tried to kill ourselves. That's why we're still friends. We were in this from the very beginning. It's nothing we can't understand and help you with. Okay?" I nodded. Inside, there are 3 teenage boys around the age of Gerard and me. "Guys, this is Ivy. Ivy, this is Ray, Frank and Bob." I waved to the guys. "Guys, Ivy is.. Depressed. She cuts. She.. She wants to die. And she won't tell anyone. Let's see if we can get those secrets out." They seem surprisingly calm and understanding. Frank speaks up first, "what school were you from?" I took a deep breath, "North Hill." Ray looks up, "are you that girl who was raped or did you know her?" Tears sting at my eyes and I have to look away, but I nod. "Oh Ivy.." I cut him off, it's going to come out sooner or later, "it was two years ago. I was dating this jock who I thought loved me. He.. He took me into the janitors closet one day and.. Raped me. I didn't consent. I think he drugged me. But anyway, i thought that was the worst of it but it turned out, he put a camera in there and shown the whole school. I didn't tell anyone until a month ago. I had enough of the bullying. I couldn't take it anymore. My mom said that she'll transfer me here to get a do-over. But.." The mood in the room turned solemn. Everyone is looking at me with sorrow filled eyes. I continue, "but, little did she know it still haunts me. I see him in everyone. I get scared easily. I think everyone is going to betray me. I think.. I think everyone is like him. That's why I was scared when I first came here. That's why I was scared to date you. I guess I understand why everyone uses and abuses me. I mean, who would love a girl who wants to die?" I bitterly laugh at the last part. "I'm worthless." The tears I thought I was holding back didn't come. Soon, 4 pairs of arms were hugging me at the same time. "You aren't worthless. And don't you ever say that again, okay?" I nod. He won't know if I think it. "I'll save you from your past, okay?" I nod. I look around once they stopped hugging me. I crack a smile and the tears finally roll down my cheeks. 

I lay in bed and think about how dumb I was to tell those guys my story. I mean. They'll look at me differently. I don't want their sympathy. I'm not deserving enough. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I wonder who that would be? I look at the notification and almost pass out. "See you soon." I don't even need to wonder who it is. I know. But how did he find my number?! I quickly dial up Gerard. "Hello?" "Gerard! He found me! Oh my god he found me!" Panic fills my voice. "Whoa whoa whoa, who found you?" "The guy who raped me! He just texted me saying "see you soon" and I don't even know how he got my number!" Gerard is panicking too, based off his breathing patterns. "Stay with me." "What?" "Stay with me. Live with me. I don't live that far away from you and he'll have to go through me and the guys to get to you." I smile he really is the best. "thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rushed into that didn't i? Fuck. Well I'll slow it down a little but trust me this is nothing compared to what I have in store for you peeps


	5. Caught Red Handed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She moved in with Gerard and stuff happens. This is really only a filer chapter due to me rushing things in the past chapter. And OMG POV CHANGE!

I moved into Gerard's house a week ago. Luckily, he had a spare bedroom that I could use. "You're going to be okay, alright?" I looked up at him. "I'm..I'm scared." Gerard closes the distance between us with a kiss. "You're going to be fine. I'll do anything to make sure you're okay." I sit down on the bed. "I don't want you to get hurt.." He caresses my face, "I don't want you to get hurt either." "I'm already hurt. I'm already broken. You recovered. I don't want you to go back into what you used to be." His face softened. "If you get hurt, I won't be able to forgive myself." He walks out of my room and closes the door behind him. I sigh and rummage through my shirt drawer until I find a small card box. I open it to find my blades. Finally, something to calm me down. I lift the bottom of my shirt up to reveal more scars. My eyes roam the surface for a clearing. When I find it, I slowly glide the blade over my soft skin until I see blood. I smile, pleased with the pain. Suddenly, the door opens and I can't move fast enough to hide what I was doing. "Ivy! What are you doing?!" It's Gerard. I thought he left. "Why are you cutting?!" He rips the blade from my hand, he doesn't know about the other one in the card box though. "To calm me down." I state nonchalantly. "No. No. I'm not going to let you cut. Nothing is worth hurting yourself over. You understand me?" I nod. I can get away with cutting when he isn't here or when he's sleeping. "Where else do you cut?" I sigh. "Everywhere." I whisper. "Can I see?" I sigh and take my shirt off, revealing scars lining my entire body. "Can you.. Turn around?" He obeys and I take my pants off and put on shorts. "Okay." He turns around and his breath catches. "You're legs..." I look down. There is no room for anymore cuts on my arms or my legs. "Hah yeah the only place I can cut is my stomach but.. I'm running out of room there too." He seems.. Angry. Oh god he hates me now. His hand comes up and I flinch thinking he's going to hit me. His face softens when he sees my reaction. "Don't hurt me." I softly whisper. "Oh Ivy I'd never hurt you." My eyes search his face for any hint that he's lying. He looks down at his phone, "it's getting late, get some sleep. I'm going to take you somewhere tomorrow after school." When he leaves I get my spare blade and cut the remaining spaces on my skin. There that'll do it. I slip out of my clothes and into a loose tank top and shorts and curl up under the covers. I'll be safe here. He won't find me. Gerard will protect me I'm sure of it. I'm safe. 

Gerard's Pov~ 

I can't believe she flinched. How badly did that bastard hurt her?! If I ever find him I swear to god I'm going to kill him! I look down at my phone and read the message from frank "Gerard, are you and Ivy coming to my party? I want to introduce you guys to my girlfriend. I think Ivy and Eliza will get along perfectly." I reply, "yeah we're coming just be wary of Ivy. She doesn't do well in crowds." "Oh ok. Just get some booze in her and she'll be fine!" I roll my eyes and set down my phone. She won't be drinking. I don't want her to be drinking her sorrows away or bleeding her problems out. I won't let her be like I was.


	6. I don't know what to name this chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um frank is having a party... Some weird guy tells us his plan.. Kinda.. Stay tuned!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short but it's really only a filler. The next few chapters will be more action-y

Ivy's Pov~

I'm scared to death to see where he's taking me. I asked him in every class but he won't give me a definitive answer. Ugh can boys be anymore annoying?! At lunch I heard frank talking to Ray about some party at his house. Maybe that's where he's taking me. But god I can't stand parties. I'm a nervous wreck in crowds. My social anxiety is at it's peak in crowds, especially parties! What if someone drugs me.. Again? What if they try to take advantage of me.. Again? What if... Oh my god I can't do it! I look at Gerard, "you're taking me to his party, aren't you?" He smiles, "of course. C'mon it'll be fun!" Typical guy. "No it won't. Not for me. My social anxiety.." His smile falls, "you have social anxiety?" I nod. "It's terrible." He looks skeptical, "how come you seem so calm and collected in class then?" I sigh, "I just learn how to hide it. I'm in my own little world in class. Well.. I'm in our little world." I smile. "Aww you're adorable." I stick my tongue out at him. "Um guys we're here too..." Frank's voice snapped me back into reality. "Oh.. Right." The guys laugh. "So.. I want you to go so you guys can hang. I have a feeling you'll get along fine." I doubt that. But hey, anything is possible. "C'mon Ivy! Come with us! Please?" Gerard did this little pout and my heart melted. "Fine! I'll do anything you want me to do just stop with that face!" They smile, "great!" "Hey frankie-poo!" A high pitched female voice cooes. I look up to see this girl a little taller than me, with jet-black hair and bright blue eyes. "Oh. Guys this is Eliza." 

Unknown Pov~

If my little spies are doing their job.. Then I'll have Ivy to myself in no time. No one would ever expect that their 'trustworthy' friends are really going to backstab them and take their new friend away. She'll try to object going into our little trap, I told them this, but Anthony has a very persuading personality.. This will be a fun show. Celeste is probably killing her part as we speak. I did good pairing them together.   
James doesn't really have a main part. He's keeping eyes on her little boyfriend. My plan is flawless. (Cue evil laughter)

**Author's Note:**

> I'll post a new chapter like every day or so. I'm writing this as I go along so don't be mad at me if I don't post for awhile. I may be stumped or just taking a creative break and I'll try not to leave you on a cliffhanger if I do so I'm sorry (I changed the summary cuz I got an awesome that needed me to change a few things so it could work)


End file.
